but I am wicked

“but I am wicked”: I tell him and he roars
in laughter, the sky sheds silver lights
and marigolds sweep away the stench
of my embarrassing gait, I see through
the hysterical haze, to miss the worlds
of yesterday, a remiss creeper binding
me into the shrubbery devoid of sight.

to be able to speak or to be mum, to
file a memory into my eyes like a rich
embroidery woven, or to defile desires
that have a demurring allure to them,
I, he can not feel my pulse, metrical to
the sound of his voice, I repulse him
by the veracity of this hollow heart.

he is the me of days gone, yet to come.

*For With Real Toads.

Image source (“The Good Fight” by Scott Saw)


13 thoughts on “but I am wicked

      • That is completely alright. I believe they are fragments of your journey you are yet to see an experience, perhaps, the poems feel distant to who you are right now and what you wish to be.
        I would say, leave them on the side, in a labeled document on your computer, and revisit them, read them as though you are a reader, at some later time.


      • Don’t I know that feeling! I think sometimes we need to just power through. Keep writing even when you feel it’s terrible a half second after hitting ‘publish’, or even if you’re writing in a notebook. Then, at some point, I think, it starts to feel OK again.. I’m at that point too, so I’m hoping.. haha 😉


  1. This is fantastic! I especially like these lines (and line breaks):

    “the sky sheds silver lights
    and marigolds”

    “of yesterday, a remiss creeper binding

    “file a memory into my eyes” (including the other meaning of “file,” as in, to grind down in a potentially painful way)

    “to defile desires”

    “can not feel my pulse, metrical”

    “I repulse him”


  2. Very incisive and poete maudit feel to this–I like the confusion of identity(ies) that you’ve made seem very natural, the light touch with a dark theme, and the way you’ve used sounds, ie ‘demurring allure’ so subtly.


  3. hey amnol…havent seen you around much lately…hows school going?

    the twist of that last line…days gone, yet to come…acknowledges the cycles of life…its an interesting dichotomy between the two identities as well…


  4. M says:

    as intimate a glimpse as one can get from a poem, this piece resonates with the rhythm of blood in the ears. thanks for adding your voice, Anmol ~


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