Not feeling this life… I look forlorn sometimes

What if the reverse happens!? Would that also be reversed!?

sometimes I lose the feeling of how it is to feel,

yanking my broken train reverse to scenes I’ve seen,

in an another time when life was not this and that,

it was not me who stepped through the threshold

(I wonder if it is me today when I step these footsteps),

possessed by a palindrome of words, they ricochet,

into webs of oil I leak down my brow into the eyes,

.

I was a boy, or was it that I was ever one in my eyes,

if truth lies every time, where trust shall put my mind,

to stay aground, no more falling into smoke holes,

that only go deep, and up, but never in my reach,

and now that I wobble at the precipice, of change

in the meaning I felt caricatured in me, I have but

to worry of life, if life was ever mine, or just a ruse,

.

 not has it come out to be mine today, still a ruse,

only thing different comes to where my faith resides,

no longer entangled in fates, but in neurons of time,

for I have lost the feel, I’d have but to feel a new feel

.

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6 thoughts on “Not feeling this life… I look forlorn sometimes

  1. This piece reminds me of KB’s writing. You DO feel as you wouldn’t be able to write as you do, if you didn’t . Questioning yourself and life is something we all do, some more than others. You will go forward and you will succeed.

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    • It is just that I am here at a position where I cower thinking of the past and can not see a future. It is this moment alone sometimes… that freezes me into a marble statue looking at things but not feeling a thing. Majorly, it has to do with my peers(used to be) and where they are today and the place where I am. I can’t help but feel lost in the crowd of all these lives.

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      • We all feel as if we are alone in the this big world as we see others excel, we think our ‘lot’ is to remain stagnant, but you are young, you have so many years ahead of you to achieve your goals. I changed my career at 58, yes daunting but I say this because you may feel locked in a position now, but this will not always be. You need to believe in yourself more. Gentle smile.

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  2. This hits so close to home, I can’t even begin to describe it.
    The only thing I want to tell you is that we sometimes have to be gratefull for not seeing into the future, because we have to, unfortunately, force ourselves to revel in knowing our hands can measure up to that one of a creator.
    And Id buy you buckets and buckets of paint and colors and Id spill them all on the road for you to walk it.

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  3. so true in just needing to feel a new feel…not being able to feel makes one feel so alone as well…that even sensation has left you to yourself….quite an evocative write….reading your comment as well…i have been there….i was in the ministry once…dedicated my life to it…gave up a six figure income to chase after god…it last 5 years…and something completely out of my control took me out of it again…in the after i was so distraught..unable to see a way forward….i was there…thinking even my god had turned his back on me….

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  4. As we walk through life, many certainties we realize are not certain at all. The great gush of emotion for an idea or a moment pass, leaving an emptiness that sooner or later will be again filled, but in the moment of void the sensation of loss is so acute. You’ve summed it up well. Hope you’ll soon ve visited by something which will help the feeling to return.

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