Night-Time Wonderings

There are those moments when you realize that you do not suit the standards set to be followed by you. You are yourself, but not someone who would take the step forth to conquer all the odds. Some people are just meant to be living in a world created within and not that which comes in contact with the many other worlds conjured by the lives of all.

I am an entity like any other. I am no more significant than an ant trampled beneath my feet. To realize the insignificance of things and of your life, you come to accept yourself, even if your understanding is embedded in darkness and isolation. Is it bad to let the days go by with limbs measuring the length and breadth of bed? Does inactivity exist when the mind continues to whirl images of memories, of desires unfulfilled, of unreachable dreams?

Every thought is contradictory, because there is not a basic idea or emotion or feeling to guide a life. We are humans and thus, we are entangled in the branches of the ideas and emotions and feelings. There is no right answer because there is no right question. Everything is the same, everything is different: Life just can’t be understood.

Who is to measure the worth of a life lived in play? Who is to measure the waste of a life lived in inactivity? What needs to be done? Which direction of the contradictions to cling to?

I am drifting to sleep, I am singing to myself, I am thinking. What needs to be done? What should I do? Where am I? Where am I to go from here?


Image source

Changing things in life!

Why do we want to change ourselves so very often? We sometimes want to change our lifestyle, and sometimes our entire life, a particular trait in us and sometimes even our whole persona. Why is it so- we are never satisfied with ourselves? Don’t tell me the thought of being yourself doesn’t suit you. But why then are we in the habit of these so-many changes we want?

The human nature is something beyond my imagination to understand and deal with. But one thing I can say is that this nature problem of aspiring to change is present in us all. Someone wants to get change their house into a bigger one, someone wants to change his/her life with that of a superstar, someone a little chubby wants to change herself/himself into the figure of a supermodel/athlete. Why so? Why can’t we be just satisfied with who we are? And moreover, we are just aspiring to change inflicting guilt and failure in ourselves when we aren’t able to do so because sometimes some things are impossible to change. And if you really want yourself to be the one you would want to be, don’t aspire to change, just change and do nothing else. Don’t try, don’t seek, don’t think but change if you are so desperate and can’t remain at all happy with the being i.e. you.

This seems odd coming from a person who wants to change so many things in his life. Take it as my experience with the help of which I am writing this stuff. These resolutions for making yourself changed won’t lead you anywhere but in a dark  well with no light but self-inflicted harm, the harm which you are causing to yourself and the harm which you can’t avoid because of you only.

Sometimes it bugs me seeing so many guys/girls becoming artificial with those mounds of make-up or those weird wild hairstyles or with fake masks worn by them, what would it bring? You’re not changed, you won’t change because these people have so evidently made perceptions of bringing about and achieving that change in their mind which can’t be erased by anyone. I would say if you want to change, just change in the way your life becomes a more favourable experience, don’t make resolutions, don’t aspire, don’t think but change if this change is very very important to you. This life is very short, don’t waste it by spending time in the dark well where I have spent so much of my precious time. Don’t do such mistakes, there is no easy way out. Change your perception towards change- because the aforesaid change would indeed make your life more brightened. Just change when you think change is going to bring something good and spiritual in your life but not something which you just want to change because of the worldly desires.

Don’t get confused. Just remember three things-

1. Try to accept yourself in the way you are.


2. If you really want changes, bring about a change which would make life a more favourable experience.


3. If the change is not such as being said in point 2, forget it. But if you still want to change, just change- don’t think, don’t aspire, don’t make resolutions, don’t go to that dark well but just change.

Are Memories any Good?

What are memories meant for? Why do they nurture within your being and then slowly consumes you, dragging you away from what is present and what will be the future?

I have always pondered about the significance or the side-effects of memories in life. I have always wondered whether the memories are good or bad. What I have always heard and read is that-

“Memories if memorized without any loathing for the present but just for recreating the memorable times you had, once you’re feeling bad is definitely good but when memories cover your decisions and your activities in the present, that is of course going to be terrible for you.”

Well, that is what I have known for so long but still, I don’t believe it- somehow, I think memories are going to restrict you, create a boundary which can’t be crossed, troubling you whenever you find a difficult situation- isn’t it so?

I have put much of my faith in memories quite a lot many times. I don’t know whether I was right in doing so or not but I know one thing- that phase had been the most difficult phase of my life. That doesn’t mean that faith of mine in memories has completely drowned, it still comes by marking the same difficult phase of life to bear for me.

Memories disturb me, though they were good once but are they bad now?

They- these memories make me perceive things in their most ideal way but when is life ideal? You can’t have everything in life in the way you want. If you had had good experiences in the past framing those good-old memories, that doesn’t mean that life is never going to get tough on you. I have experienced it in my personal life and hence, I write- for may be this wouldn’t help anyone but at least me(in such matters, I have already learnt that being selfish is the best way to be chosen because you are the one who matters the most to you), may be it won’t even help me but I would in any case know what I do feel(that is what I gain when I write).

Memories- they are those dried flowers which you have kept within your diaries as a sweet reminder of their blossom.

Isn’t it so? Well, I think it is. Memories, therefore, disturb me and for me, it is more of a side-effect to your emotional and mental well being rather than proving itself to be significant.

Well, what do I know? I don’t know anything. Still, I never forget to mention what I feel and that is what I have done right now.

You’re also allowed(requested) to mention what you feel. Tell me, Are memories any good?