they say dying by suicide should not seem like an option
(in a world where we would rather admire silent suffering)
“you shouldn’t have” “i wish you knew that i cared” —
a person is like an apple with layers of lives lived and unlived
in the course of a simplified reality
(not for you to decide or decipher),
when they die by suicide (no one commits suicide),
the core is still not empty,
in their absence, your words are not solacing,
they are empty vessels (cyanide seeds of pilgrimage)
that mean nothing to a non-existent god.
i read that there comes a time when you realize
that you do not want to die anymore
but you’re just living the memory of wanting to be unalive,
to be buried in endless despair, so as to placate
the familiar need to stop it all.
i wonder if my skin is as supple as an apple’s —
if i cut it and square it for your consumption
(social media consolations and memorials),
would it bleed or would it not anymore?
would it hurt or would my lips quiver and pause…
to the sweet perfume of a fresh wound?
my blood clots at the thought of an apple
that may not be as sweet as it may look —
so shall i choose a pomegranate seed
to bind my life and plant it near my empty heart
(no space within)?
when i wish to return to what i knew best,
i feel the pull towards knowledge that this fruit
is yet to accumulate me, still to ripen before the fall comes.
© Anmol Arora
Image Source (Sebastian Black, Concerning taste let’s ask the apple: Hey apple sliced in half (muzzle). Hey you of black seeds and rotten core (whiskers,nose) of yellow skin, and stem split twain (mouth), of etc and also of etc. Who left you here on the round glass end table (head)? Are you sullying up the Eileen Gray “piece”, the Heath ceramic mugs (eyes)? Or are you, like the film of dry coffee, (pupils) adding just the right touch? Think about it. I’m gonna take a nap and if I’m sunlight when I wake up I’ll alight on you. But if I’m still just meat with arms I’m gonna move you (ears) over by the couch., 2016, Oil on linen, 60 × 45 inches / 152.5 × 114.3 cm, Unique)
Linking it up with my prompt about and on apples at dVerse later this evening