when attention demands tension

and by the virtue of a dying god,
I laid open some old thoughts,
and assassinated each one

by
one,

the blood spurred on my face, the
fates danced in my dreams, I saw
a night so young and delectable,
that I ejaculated my venom, rubbing
against its folds, my heart stung,

it’s a morning of blossoming
shades, lilac and violet, that I enclose

in my arms,

the winds whip my hair gently, the sun consumes
my face by its silent glare, fuchsia rings adorn my
brown cheek, and I decide that it is time to sleep-

my face upheld by the strings of the sky, mouth open
for hovering bees – there’s a certain kind of violence in it.

.

A fragmented and anxious piece for Day # 7 of my 30 Days, 30 Poems Challenge.

Image source

Repository

Within the twisted lanes of insanity, there exist such wide and glorious fields of understanding and clarity, which are but a product of a resounding confusion clouding the eyes, shattering the peace of the mind, almost killing normalcy. Almost.

You feel most alive when you are nearest to death. Similarly, you are most sane when you are close to insanity.

tilting sideways
the glorious fields of gold-
like his mind

I remember standing close to a mustard field, inhaling pollen and exhaling my last attempt at keeping myself sane. I had this desire to fish. To capture a fish from somewhere in that river of yellow and gold. The sun burnt my left cheek and I kept on waiting for someone to bring me a fishing rod.

No one ever came. I am still waiting. In some alternative world. I know that I am still waiting there after these four long years. Because I still want that fish in this world. I lost everything because I never captured that fish. And thus, things can never be right.

I caress the burnt mark on my left cheek.

remembering-
calm of mustard fields before
the onslaught of frost

Within the twisted lanes of insanity, I exist. I am a smiling figure atop that beautiful building you see from afar and you miss out on the spectacle as your line of sight changes. You miss out on the spectacle of how that smiling figure takes a leap from that beautiful building, burdening the air with all his weight.

You do feel that weight with every breath you take.

small buds protrude
out of the damp, heavy soil-
the cold wind picks up speed

~

taking in a whiff
of the remnants of warmth-
I feel cold in my bones

.

Inspired from Bjorn’s Haibun Monday prompt at dVerse. I have molded it in my own way.
This is Poem # 2 for my goal/challenge to write and post a poem every day of this month. The painting depicts the wide, sprawling fields of wheat, but somehow, the yellow/gold reminded me of a mustard field sparkling in the winter sunshine.
Image source: View of the Church of Saint-Paul-de-Mausole by Vincent van Gogh.

funny story

it’s kind of a funny story-
how disgruntled life can be,
in short passages, we lose,
find a reimbursed amount
of despair, the ache to let go,
not dragging anymore one day,
a step taken where winds await,

a story told, yet is unknown,
the body counts, owe nothing,
the end doth come without cure

(For Ned Vizzini)

.

It was sad to know about the passing of Galen Haynes, aka G-man. May he rest in peace.
Linking it up with Flash 55 at With Real Toads and Poetry Pantry at PU.
Image source 1, 2

“Life can’t be cured, but it can be managed.”
Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story

That she is vain… the wind around me

ruffling black-grass of the crown-ground,

she disperses my sanity-seeds all around,

despite of what be told by double-eyed-faces,

this blood-canal bursts by yearling-races,

that which sews placebo-roots onto me,

inscribing words in this stain-shell by a fee:

.

holding my crouch-stick, never be straight,

to wash her point-toenails, her tongue thus sate

.

For dVerse, where beguiling Bjorn Rudberg holds a Meeting in the Bar. I will be in and out, here and there, may be dizzy or vague, but in the end… in the cavern of your words, I’d find my space.

Image source

7 Distractions When Having A Bad Time

We all feel bad sometimes. Sadness invades the whole thought-process and we could do nothing but being melancholic about our whole situation. There is another bad, when you are in depression, you lose yourself in the world that pulsates within the contours of your mind. These are the times when you tend to hurt yourself. Sometimes you make a decision you might regret later on. Just remember you are not alone and try to distract yourself away from your own self. That is a way of dealing with it. There are medications, which might turn your mind off and make you go to sleep but distractions are a much better alternative according to me.

Here I am going to discuss seven such distractions:-

1. Talk to Someone: You tend to part yourself from the world when something like that happens. You want no living soul in your vicinity but still talk to some one. Look for a friend, a family member, who would understand you and let everything be released- all the sadness, hurts, confusion, everything.

If you do not have a person like that in your life, you can talk to some one reliable on the internet, some one you have known quite a while and some one who is aware of your situation. Talk it out. Just relieve yourself of all your doubts, of your hopelessness, and of all your thoughts that are killing you.

2. Write: Writing is a good therapy. If you do not think you can bear talking to anyone, write down. Write down everything- every thought, every feeling, every emotion coursing through your mind. Write it down. You have to bring it all out of your system.

I know it is hard to do so but confront it. You cannot hide forever- just write. It would not hurt.

3. Let the tears flow: Tears signify your inner-voice, which is telling you to adopt silence and stream down all your worries away through those emeralds that appear in your eyes. Some might think shedding tears is the ultimate sign of weakness but that is not true. You are strong if you cry because you are letting yourself react to your situation in a way, which might help you get over it.

Once after you have let them flow, you tend to feel a little better or many times tired. Just lie down and take a nap. When you wake up, things would be much better.

4. Read a book: Escaping into a fiction world is a good way but still, it must be adopted once you have tried fighting against your sadness and if you do not feel any better, book is your safe haven.

It is also necessary for you to read a book which would not trigger emotions of hopelessness in you. Always read a book that tells a story or may be read one you have already read but only those which wouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself.

5. Watch a movie: Yes, like a book, you can find solace in a movie as well. But just like in case of a book, please be careful in the type of movie you are watching. Avoid sad movies in simple words; select a humor or a suspense thriller.

6. Eat something: Food plays a very important role for our well-being. It is necessary for you to be healthy physically in order to maintain your mental health. Eat healthy meals; drink a glass of milk or some fresh juice. Have ample amount of proteins and vitamins.  Adopt it for every time.

But do not binge eat when you are sad. Yes, food might seem like a very good way of dealing with things. I have adopted it myself a number of times but I have regretted it later on every time. Hence, eat healthy when having a bad time and in moderate amounts, only as much as you are capable of ingesting.

7. Sleep: Sometimes lack of sleep brings you to such a situation. Thus, always sleep for appropriate amount of hours and try to have a fixed pattern of sleep; meaning go to bed at the same time every day. When you are feeling bad, just lie down and try to think of something positive or just frame a story in your mind.

Distract yourself by your own imagination and creativity and try to sleep it away.

Okay, I have discussed some of the ways you can distract yourself when you are having a bad time. This is an opinionated piece. I never meant to harm anyone’s sentiments. These are just my opinions. I haven’t written with a medical point of view. I am just trying to suggest something that has worked for me in the past. If you are clinically depressed and are on your medication, take it as your doctor has prescribed you.

Some times nothing works. Just keep one thing in mind always, you have to survive. You have to go through it. There will be a much better tomorrow. You can do it. You can fight it. You can.