to derive a meaning behind a meaning,
I try to realize, so to make a paper boat
of an understanding, and float it in flood
by the descent to that river down the hill,
against which I lean, plunging the edges
of a parchment on the lips, on the limbs
splintering every callow cell, tissue, organ
to create lesions of meaning I look for,
to see the meaning behind a meaning
that he tries to grasp by bathing in vinegar
thoughts, shunning away the common pain
of looking through the window at the abyss-
pitilessly waving at him with a coarse fabric
of his skin, of parched lips, and broken limbs,
as he mumbles a minutiae of a prayer, phonetic
words while beading the rosary of meaning,
we: he and I, merge at a destined landscape,
we grapple taking reins over each other,
finding in no way an end to achieve, but we
have the means to continue search for meaning
20th May lies ahead. It is much like an abyss which would embrace me even with a minute’s notice. I was a curious child and yes, I used to wait for that special day of the year. But the maturity that envelops you as your limbs are stretched, your cheeks are hollowed, and bones jut out of your neck, you begin to question: what does such a date mean to you?
When we are kids, we all want to grow up and do what the elders do but as we begin that “descent” from childhood to teenage and beyond, it becomes concrete that life, as we envisaged it earlier, is not as much fun.
There is a story behind every person, behind the growth of every person. I have narrated mine a number of times in the past and at its best, it is vivid but marked by morbidity of thoughts, of days, of life.
But this growth has inculcated in me a desire, to find a meaning behind every meaning fed to me. I see no end, but I have the means to make this search my end, my aim. I get frustrated as I try to analyze different facets of life and the complexities of a relationship that you have with yourself and thus, I begin to strive for an understanding. I look for meanings. I ask myself because the way to cure my inquisitiveness lies within me.
I tend to take myself very seriously sometimes and that is not required of me. I am an inconsequential being, with an affinity to use I’s, because I take myself seriously and that is not required of me.
20th May lies ahead. In my time zone, I have but a quarter of a day left before the three sticks merge for a second at 12 in the night. It is not a life changing point but it is marked as one and thus, I try to realize meanings, changes and the meanings behind them. After breathing so many breaths, surviving these many years, I can not touch upon a word to describe it all. And thus, I continue to look for a description, for a meaning.
And before you get tired(or are you already?) of my words, let me tell you what 20th May means to me. At the dawn of this day some many years back, I(I do tend to use I’s and I’s, but what other word would attribute to the seriousness I attach with myself?) was born. That is all.
**And the depiction of 20th May is to fuel my desire for the meaning, and to keep on looking.