what i think when i think about myself

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the unembellished glass on my window
is not of a reflecting kind, it changes color
with the sun’s brow, disguised by its own
retention of what hitherto it did beget –

when i think about selves, i mirror
the glass of my window, and pluck apples
from my eyes to taste the sense of sight,
and single out every experience in its own light,

when i think about lives, i snigger
like the loony bark of the mutt outside, and push
into the so-called oblivion, a thought to right
the wrongs of being one of a kind, of this plight,

when i think about you, i am triggered
by your mirror of my own life, and try to pick
from your eyes, any sign of a comic relief, to indict
myself for subsumption of an egotistic delight,

when i think about myself, i quiver
like the potent wine of the sky outside, and pull
out from my own self, a torn thought to site
every memory, to extinguish into the night.

.

For Poets United Midweek Motif

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Changing things in life!

Why do we want to change ourselves so very often? We sometimes want to change our lifestyle, and sometimes our entire life, a particular trait in us and sometimes even our whole persona. Why is it so- we are never satisfied with ourselves? Don’t tell me the thought of being yourself doesn’t suit you. But why then are we in the habit of these so-many changes we want?

The human nature is something beyond my imagination to understand and deal with. But one thing I can say is that this nature problem of aspiring to change is present in us all. Someone wants to get change their house into a bigger one, someone wants to change his/her life with that of a superstar, someone a little chubby wants to change herself/himself into the figure of a supermodel/athlete. Why so? Why can’t we be just satisfied with who we are? And moreover, we are just aspiring to change inflicting guilt and failure in ourselves when we aren’t able to do so because sometimes some things are impossible to change. And if you really want yourself to be the one you would want to be, don’t aspire to change, just change and do nothing else. Don’t try, don’t seek, don’t think but change if you are so desperate and can’t remain at all happy with the being i.e. you.

This seems odd coming from a person who wants to change so many things in his life. Take it as my experience with the help of which I am writing this stuff. These resolutions for making yourself changed won’t lead you anywhere but in a dark  well with no light but self-inflicted harm, the harm which you are causing to yourself and the harm which you can’t avoid because of you only.

Sometimes it bugs me seeing so many guys/girls becoming artificial with those mounds of make-up or those weird wild hairstyles or with fake masks worn by them, what would it bring? You’re not changed, you won’t change because these people have so evidently made perceptions of bringing about and achieving that change in their mind which can’t be erased by anyone. I would say if you want to change, just change in the way your life becomes a more favourable experience, don’t make resolutions, don’t aspire, don’t think but change if this change is very very important to you. This life is very short, don’t waste it by spending time in the dark well where I have spent so much of my precious time. Don’t do such mistakes, there is no easy way out. Change your perception towards change- because the aforesaid change would indeed make your life more brightened. Just change when you think change is going to bring something good and spiritual in your life but not something which you just want to change because of the worldly desires.

Don’t get confused. Just remember three things-

1. Try to accept yourself in the way you are.

 

2. If you really want changes, bring about a change which would make life a more favourable experience.

 

3. If the change is not such as being said in point 2, forget it. But if you still want to change, just change- don’t think, don’t aspire, don’t make resolutions, don’t go to that dark well but just change.