nearing night, a shadow falls
into the uncomplicated arms of
twilight, the sun still sets,
there is a dark smile of an angel
that descends into a flood
submerging all the air, into
emotions.
you extinguish the flame, by
a flick of your wrist, I sit
in the womb of a couch,
feeling for a tentative touch
to relinquish all desire.
a breath transcends when you
look at me like a fierce lion,
waiting for the right second to
pounce, and smear your paws
with my blood, and into the moon
eclipsed by a shadow of this hunt.
A shadow of transfixed and
curved delight.
.
At With Real Toads, Grace introduces us to the verse of the Mexican poet, David Huerta. Inspired from his writing and using one of his lines(translated by Mark Schafer), I wrote a few words. This is at best a first draft.
Linking it up with Poetry Pantry at PU as well.
Art by Karen F. Rose
I cannot understand ..perhaps it’s just me that you would say at best this a first draft?! All of it particularly that first stanza, I found enticing to read. Don’t put your work down Anmol, for I see this as beauty.
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This is beautiful.. Raw and dark, laced with images, making metaphysics into organic things like blood and paws.. Stunning Anmol.
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You truly and eloquently found your own way into that “shadow of transfixed / and
curved delight.” The first two stanzas are my faves–such a wonderful evocation of mood.
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Dark smile of the angel, I like the menace of the hunt ~ The shadow in the ending gave this a twist in character ~ I admire your interpretation very much ~
Thanks for participating HA and wishing you happy weekend ~
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This is a very sensual sort of hunt! With many reversals on expectation that are quite clever–the arms of twilight is a beautiful line, and so many that follow–thanks HA. k.
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I adore that first stanza.
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nice contrast between the desire and danger…
this other seems all powerful…to douse the light with a flick of the wrist
and then the last couple lines bring out the pleasure of such a hunt as well…
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I so love the image of the shadow falling “into the uncomplicated arms of twilight.” Very cool. The danger and then the delight in the closing lines – very intriguing.
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I see both dark and light in this poem, HA. And, oh, I hope that fierce lion does not pounce.
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Anmol i enjoyed this write and particularly luv stanza one
Have a nice Sunday
http://myblog-verses.blogspot.com/
much love…
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thank you and enjoy your night.
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into the uncomplicated arms of twilight…….. stunning!
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The dark smile of that angel really sets an unusual tone. Nice play with contrasts in this poem.
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I think you captured darkness rather well and I found the poem hauntingly beautiful.
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Danger and beauty–still, if it weren’t for the amazing picture and that last stanza–this Tyger, Tyger would be all death and no satisfaction!
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This is great poetry. The scene unfolds at just the right pace. I thought the second last stanza was particularly remarkable and the conclusion is perfect.
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I agree both with the comments above and the writer’s need to “tweak” ones work into perfection. I tend to do this all the time. Woe betide those who have a second visit and find the poem changed!
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Please, if this is only a first draft, I am stunned. This is a beautiful piece. “the uncomplicated arms of twilight” …just a tiny bit of so much I love in this piece.
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Very emotioanly engaging. I have to agree with some of the commenters: a perfect first draft, so perfect I am aching to beg you not to touch it 😀
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Quite the moment of clear desire within this, and excellent use of the line from the “Fruit” poem. It is neat to see the differences between two responses in a single poem.
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Such atmosphere and mystery…I was really transported into this world
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You really nailed here the mood and the focus Huerta seems to project in his love poems, of love as a desperation of the senses which it is futile to control and alarming but necessary to absorb, interpret, become. I love especially the lion look, and the dark angel that descends ‘into a flood.’
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The mystery and delight mixing here with magic suppressed passion….what will happen next – between shadows and twilight…. I appreciate the composition of poem~ penned masterfully!
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Intriguing imagery.
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Very interesting choices on the imagery. I really like the visuals in the second stanza.
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