begin this retribution by laying my bones,
over which you shall drive your pity,
just stroking the enamel, that which hurts,
and leaving me bound still in the lashes,
swinging from my sewn empty ears,
biding for when you will hold me free,
for the vulture beaks of ear-whisperers,
their rumors of me burst within my own,
and I piteously smile, cast a shadow,
of my curse to cut into the pelt,
of their hollow cheeks, feed their mouths,
with my shrieks that heave the mist,
burning them, hoisting their pale pain,
onto which I spit, laughing my teeth off
.
This is a 100 word poem, linked up with dVerse prompt focusing on verbs. I have placed my focus on using the strong verbs which are outlined in italics. I have cross-checked them here.
oh heck… the pain is palpable in this…and you really used strong images… ha – and i like that teeth pic..smiles
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I really feel this one, HA!
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Very cleverly done!
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This is pain in words.. especially with that picture.. Ouch..
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The pain is very tangible in your poem, Hank!
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…oh my…driving your pity over bones laid out! Poignant this..
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Wow, love this. Especially . . . for the vulture beaks of ear-whisperers
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I can taste the emotion and experience the pain, this is quite exceptional.
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great choice in verbs to set the tone and maintain it throughout, dark /grit…it hooks…the opening def grabs the attention…the laying of the bones to drive over…yikes….
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your choice of verbs painted a gritty picture of pain. You did a great job of catching and keeping the readers attention. Well done!
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anmol you never fail to amaze me. This is intensely graphic – every line resonates with pain – excellent my friend
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I like the active verbs HA, as it keeps the pace fast & strong till the end ~
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Oh ouch! I have a toothache I’ve been living with cuz I hate going to the dentist. These vivid verbs don’t help. 🙂
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Yikes…this oozes pain and , definitely retribution, spite. Your verb choices serve the theme well. So nicely executed.
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Yikes! At first I thought the bones and the pity was the retribution–for what, I couyldn’t say. But then I got to the curse, the banshee screams and the burning!
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Anmol…now THAT is a tooth ache…how painful this poem is…so very grafic and somehow magical!
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You used the greatness of words in a quite amazing style, your closing lines carry a great deal of pain.
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Dentistry has come a long ways in recent years, but drilling is just surgery, hacking into part of our body, something we are forced to endure, to volunteer for; your 100 words & strong verbs stir up a lot of negative memories, yet accurate appraisal of pain.
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Wonderful descriptive words HA – oh, how I feel the pain.
Anna :o]
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strong use of verbs – especially ones that aren’t so commonly used.
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That image, your words – shudder! Well done!
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Dark and introspective – my cup of tea for sure!!
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