A Nimble Adventure
(original, written on 3 June’ 13)
craving for a nimble adventure,
he boards a train,
prairie bound,
and decides to vault off
this rapidly moving leviathan,
each limb swirling in the wind,
singing deep-throated in rapture,
and eventually
finding his hall to the crypt,
he shivers and trembles,
opening his eyes,
from the nightmare.
Yearning for nimble adventure…
(trying to write a Villanelle out of it)
yearning for nimble adventure,
he hops on last journeying train,
final one to join the venture,
.
prairie bound fleet, he conjectures,
a lowering descent to the plains,
he yearns for nimble adventure,
.
dark tombs remind him of failure,
his life in his eyes was all vain,
but he did join this last venture,
.
hazy thoughts of a dark future,
he decides to vault off his pain,
he yearns for nimble adventure,
.
his every limb, the wind captures,
shivering, he has find his cure,
he joined this very last venture,
.
he sings deep-throated in rapture,
finds his way to hall crypt allure,
he ends the nimble adventure,
he had joined this final venture.
A Nimble Expedition
(finally editing the original in free verse)
yearning for a nimble expedition,
he boards a charcoal train,
prairie bound,
traversing through the dark tombs,
heightened blocks of sand and shingles,
he squints his eyes to ward off
the phantoms of the past,
he decides to vault off
this progressing leviathan,
adjoined with nuts and bolts
destined to go loose one day
like that of the spectacle of a ship,
he takes a leap to freedom,
each limb whirling in the wind,
singing deep-throated in rapture,
and eventually
finding his hall to the crypt,
he shudders, trembles,
opening his eyes,
from the reverie
* At dVerse today, we are paying attention to the pieces we once created but now, we have forgotten about. It is time to enter their worlds again and try to make certain changes. I took a poem I wrote in June, and first tried to write a villanelle out of it. I wrote it but it could not keep up with the pace of the poem. So, I decided to make changes in the original free verse. I would like to work on this poem more in the future though because I am not satisfied. I still like the original the best. Now, you are the judge. Do share your views.
HA's Place 
Nice journey through your verses… really nice result as well
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I’m for the third version. Really good write.>KB
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nice..i like that you tried different things with this… the villanelle is my most fav of the form poetry forms and i think it’s a great exercise – but the third def. is my fav
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ok first, i love trains and wish we still travelled that way more often…i like the remixed free verse version the best…its pretty cool though to see it in form there in the middle and the repetition works nicely in it….quite an intense and dramatic end to it….
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I’m gob-smacked that anyone would try to write a villanelle from an existing free verse poem. They are hard enough when you start from scratch–but you’ve succeeded in both edits.
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The free verse at the end was lovely and really pulled this piece out of the ordinary and into the original. Love it.
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It is wonderfull to get a glimpse deeper into your writing,this prcess and three different versions of a beautiful thing. I must concur with previous commenter, a vilanelle out of a free form is very courageous,admirable and inspiring.
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I liked them all. I really enjoyed reading your edits and the explanation at the end. If I must pick a fave I will choose #3.
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For me the villanelle, not because as some might think I’m obsessed with form poetry, but because fitting it into a form here you condensed to what you needed to say. It was in fact the most thrilling and nightmarish of the three. The repetitions emphasized the emotion of the piece.
I thought the third tended to ramble a little, not that it was a poor poem but it seemed to stray from your initial idea. It seemed to me it would have madem. with a small amount of work, a better “other” poem.
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Came out engines roaring with the last one! I agree, great end result:)
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Awesome!!! I really love the Villanelle but it is so hard and my own personal attempts never satisfy me but I think you done very well with the form The final version is my favorite though =) Love =)
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Hello,
I enjoyed all three but, the last one is for me it really came together nicely. I haven’t tried the second form so may have to give it a whirl in the future.
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All are nice, but I like the Villanelle the best… I think the form accents the movement of a train.
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I vote for the Villanelle–good rhythm. All three are nice, however.
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I like the eyes that squint and the lines with “venture.” “Craving” is not used with “for.” We say we crave something. See how you like the first line without the “for.”
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