Nowadays

The daily routine comes along and sometimes, it takes away all those things from you that you cherish and treasure beyond anything else. This blog has been my friend since the last three years. I recently had my 3rd anniversary on WordPress. And today, I find it so difficult to share some words here. There has been a slight shift in the activities that I indulge in to keep this life going.

I have started my college life now. And my entire day is spent there, from 9 to 5. After that, there is nothing much left to do. I eat. I read a few articles online. I watch some TV. I research for college work. I sleep. Another day begins and the routine shadows me once again. I have ached for this routine during some of the hardest days in the last couple of years and now when I have found it, I am rather disturbed and a little perturbed by its presence. May be it is because this routine has left so little of time that I could spend with myself. I think I had become quite habitual to entire days which I lived in company of no one but that of my own. The solitude had become a part of me, inseparable from me, that now I search for it here and there.

I am studying Hotel Management. I joined this course, thinking that it would make me active and practical, garnering skills necessary for this service industry. I won’t go in detail but I don’t feel the same anymore. Though I still find some subjects interesting, like the Front office operations and Food Production. The work has been rather theoretical by now but I know that it will change with time.

Such things are trivial. But the major concern is the gruesome result of these bursts of active participation in these days, I am not writing. I haven’t written a complete poem since long. Some fragments do tear themselves away from me at certain stances and that is all. I want to grieve for this loss that I am experiencing. But I am not feeling anything at all.

I am just another body, unconsciously counting the seconds. I am a soul, who can’t be satisfied. I am the flesh that is just meant for the physical domain. I am a heart writhing and singing, unheard. My pulse continues. I am alive. I breathe. I look at the snapshot of a day at a time. The past is erasing some of its own lines. The future is out of my reach. The present is me. I flow with the tides of time.

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10 thoughts on “Nowadays

  1. its good to hear from you…and good to know you are well…if not busy…i am halfway through grad school…doing it while i work full time…and so i know that it is going to be tough…give time for life to find a balance…and will look forward to seeing you when i see you…

  2. Compromising your solitude, if it’s that important to you, is akin to selling part of your soul. In my humble opinion.

    You’re experiencing change. Consider being in flow. It’s often helpful during significant transitions.

  3. This feeling is very familiar for me, and in a few months I too will be on the same path as you, only for cooking. hang it in there, and push through so you can have your precious time back again when it is all over. You are at the hard part now.

  4. Anmol, welcome. You are being torn in two right now, but that will ease and you will then become one once more. Continue the course, dabble with writing when you have the urge, it just means you won’t have enough time as you once had. But this is something for your career, your life and probably easier than making a living from writing poetry. You will get back to it again. I am the same, I write rarely now, life has consumed. Take care, your writing can never leave your soul, it will return when you are balanced and have the time to devote to it- smiles.

  5. HA, this saddens me to read, but it is true that this season will pass. We all have rites of passage to go through, and they often leave us longing for something behind or ahead. You are in the right place and the words will be there when it is time. I know your writing well, and it is the kind that never runs out; it only stays dormant for a season. Best of luck to you in your career. :)

    • Great words! I agree with what’s written above and sympathize with your situation and hope that you find the balance between studying and writing soon. If it’s of any help – try to look at your day and find tasks that don’t add much value and dump or delegate them, so you can use that time for writing. Have a great day! :)

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