What is happening with me?
What is happening with me?- I don’t know. I have come to a stand-still… I have been here since so long now! I don’t know where to go on from here on.. God damn it, I don’t even know how to move an inch forth!
I want to think properly about my future.. Have to decide whether I would be able to convince myself for giving the exams for 12th grade in 2014, a year further then when I was expected to give them.
But before that I have to ask myself whether I am taking my depression seriously or not.. and if I am taking it seriously, why am I not seeking psychiatric help? Why I am afraid of getting it? I think I know the answer to that- I am afraid of what people would think about it.. I am afraid that they would start treating me differently.. I am afraid my mental-health would get better and I won’t have anything to blame everything on. But why… I don’t know.
Everything ends up with the same conclusion- I don’t know myself.. who am I? I am not myself- this isn’t how I knew myself to be like..
And I am back where I know I have come to a stand-still.. And I am still.. not knowing what to do.. in pain.. but numb.. desolate.. mad.. crazy.. insane.. depressed..
Posted on February 16, 2013, in Me and my thoughts!! and tagged answer, behaviour, blame, come, conclusion, convince, crazy, decisions, depression, desolate, differently, education, everything, future, go, happening, help, improve, insane, life, long, mental-health, myself, numb, pain, people, properly, psychiatric help, questions, seriously, stand still, start, THINK, thoughts, time, treat, understand, what!?, where, WHO AM I?, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.